Outsider

By Danny Perkins

Artist Note: Because of my struggles dating as a queer and trans person, and lack of relationships due to my difficulty navigating the queer dating scene as someone without a lot of experience,​ I’ve mostly kept to myself in these past years. I’m a part of the vibrant LGBTQ+ community on campus, and while I’m certainly not alone in terms of loving friendships, romance has escaped me. This piece of work is the manifestation of a very specific kind loneliness that I find hard to describe, and something I think I’ll still be wrestling with in the foreseeable future. Fingers crossed it changes someday.

i’m starving

my fingers grow thin

stomach caved in

eyes growing dull

i haven’t been held in months

a kiss feels an eternity away

my skin is electric

a wire pulled taut

i feel myself turning to dust

crumbing at the slightest touch

undisturbed for so many years

the slightest breath is overwhelming

seeing others in love makes my bones ache

i avert my eyes as if i’m staring into the sun

is this body capable of being adored?

headlines say no

papers mock

whispers behind backs

the in-between child

not of this earth

my friends answer yes

my mind knows otherwise

a blessing and a curse intertwined

settling into my skin

painting me an outsider

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